Honey and Agony
by Lady Yami
Summary: Ulquiorra x Orihime. Sometimes Grimmjow tries to be important too. Collective of oneshot fics, drabbles, and whatever I feel like subjecting you to. Ranges from humor, to mostly! innuendo, to angst, to all of the above! Update: Moonlight
1. Blood and Honey

Honey and Agony

By: Lady Yami

AN: Yep. Ulquiorra and Orihime crack, of course. What the hell else do you want from me? My first series of semi-drabbles, but far from my first time writing it. First is a full blown fic…kind of. Rest are actual drabbles, I swear! Title meaning: Honey for sweetness because I warn you this will contain WAFF. Agony for the slight emo-ness sometimes, and it is also the name of a song by KOTOKO that fits this couple all too well. I **demand **you go download it. Also like everything else on the planet by her. XD She's one of my major muses right now.

Hahaha. puts on official Crack Pirate outfit and pulls out The Rum Savvy? roguish wink, but runs from Byakuya, whom is chasing her with a CRACK POLICE helmet on

Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, there'd be way more innuendo and lolis. Oops, said that out loud. OH SHI---

X x X

"I would not complain, were I you. Aizen-sama ordered these ingredients especially for you." The Vasto Lord led the red-haired human girl into a tiny kitchen that had sort of popped up out of nowhere in adjunction to her cell. It was lab-white with absolutely zero cheer at all, but it was a kitchen alright. She took a deep breath.

"I-I will thank him."

"Yes, you will," Ulquiorra drawled, absentmindedly picking up a salt shaker and inspecting it. "Memories, memories," he half-sang, something Orihime had never seen him do. His voice was normally completely monotone and devoid of spontaneous song. She blinked. Oh, but Ulquiorra had been human at one time, right? He was a Hollow, after all. She studied his face, trying to imagine him as a human. It was hard. He seemed to concentrate his usual deadpan, so she looked to her feet.

"A-and I may cook any time I like?"

"Yes. You do not seem predisposed to gluttony," he ran a quick glance up and down her body. "So I don't see why I should advise otherwise." She shifted in her awkward robe. She'd been here about five days, now. It seemed more like a month to her. Time seemed to pass differently in Hueco Mundo. Things happened slowly and without deliberation. There was a haze of melancholy and drudgery about the place that simply could not be shaken. Growing up in the real world made this sort of thing hard. The simple, somewhat irritating things became missed. The sounds of cars passing by when she was falling asleep, the hum of the fridge in the other room. Recently too, there was Rangiku's snoring, or Hitusgaya's midnight return from the roof, where he would carefully make sure she and Rangiku were tucked in. She never mentioned the unquestionably out of character act to him, as she was sure his resulting embarrassment would amount to her having a certain ice dragon up in her face.

She came back into reality when Ulquiorra picked up a steak knife, carefully touching his fingertip to the edge. "Be careful. You are delicate and human. I will not have you accidentally doing away with yourself before you can be of use to Aizen-sama."

She sighed. "Ano, I'm not _that _delicate, Ulquiorra-san."

He shook his head, ebony hair flailing slightly. "Humans die due to stupid reasons all the time. You people fall down the stairs almost as often as your kill each other."

She shrugged the reason off, mainly because her stomach was growling. He took note of it, and tilted his head at the counter. "Eat, please."

She searched through the cabinets. "S-something quick, I suppose."

The materials were mostly boring, to be frank. All the basic baking supplies, eggs, milk, and a few random ingredients. Oh, and multiple boxes of tea. Aizen was apparently a really avid tea guy. Charming.

Oh, gold. Somewhat literally. There was a little jar of honey nestled in a back cabinet, in a rather adorable bear-shaped glass jar. She reached for it instantly, carefully cradling it in two hands. Ulquiorra studied her softened gaze with interest, wondering why such an object would arouse such feelings in the human girl.

"So cute!" She finally squeaked, earning a steadier-still deadpan from the Vasto Lord.

She put the jar on the counter and reached for a loaf of bread, carefully cutting it in half. He pointed to the brad. "Half a loaf?"

"Mhm," she hummed idly while slicing it, "This with honey is awesome."

"I may be the wrong authority on this but…that seems rather odd a choice of food for—".

She was spreading honey onto the bread now, a smile lighting her face. It was odd. He realized he had never seen her smile. Not that he would normally care, of course. A stupid human is a stupid human, even if they were needed by Aizen-sama.

She carefully piled the slices onto a plate, and then reached into the fridge and pulled out the milk. _Finally, something good…_

She tilted her head at him, pressing her lips together. "Does Ulquiorra-san want a slice?"

He shook his head "no." She shrugged. "Your loss!" He never understood human sayings like that. Were they a true gesture of sympathy, or a sign of victory? He shook his hair out of his face, eyes straying to the knife lying on the counter.

She stared at it, too. "Oh, actually. Honey is sticky. I should let that soak in the sink." She carefully put the plate down, but ended up managing to squish her index and middle fingers of her right hand in honey when her thumb caught under the plate. She managed to stick one fingertip in her mouth. Great. She blinked in complete mortification, turning a rather ferocious shade of pink. His usual mouth line and grim stare did not change. "U-um," she flustered, and grabbed the knife.

Of course, she then managed to prick her index finger on it. It was barely a pinhole, but it still bled. She carried the knife to the sink, praying the Hollow didn't notice, and dropped in with a metallic clang.

"Bread, bread!" She sang, praying he didn't notice the tears threatening to spill.

He merely sort of flowed forwards, catching her hand in his cold, large one to stare at it. "Human," he sighed, watching the blood slide slowly down her hand to mingle with the honey. "What did I just say about this nonsense…"

She attempted to pull her hand away but he didn't even seem to notice. Did his strength really go that far? He angled himself for a better look, and Orihime was once again mesmerized by the liquid nature of his movements, even the way she could see the muscles of his neck. She also warily watched the horn on the right side of his head. You could put, like, _three _eyes out with that.

Her stomach chose that exact moment to fall out. It wasn't without reason however. He had lifted her hand and fit his mouth around her index finger. Her abdomen clenched and her mouth went Sahara-dry. Oh…Her heartbeat was in her ears. Speaking of her heart, it was pumping blood to her face and some various other weird parts of her body.

His mouth was cold, there was no tacking a "just my imagination sticker" on it. It was moist, though probably not as much as it should have been. His tongue was a deep shade of red, far more brick-colored than humanly possibly. He closed his eyes, licking the last drop off blood off her index finger before moving on to the next. The healer remained immobile and spellbound watching the contrast of black eyelashes on moon-colored skin, pink lips half-open in surprise. He held her hand firmly around her wrist, shiny black fingernails glittering in the moonlight.

Finally having appeared to have finished his ministrations, he looked her squarely in the eye. "Things Aizen-sama prepared for you shall not be wasted." She swallowed and nodded, knowing for a fact he noticed her trembling. _Please don't let him comment on it, oh please…_

"…You fear me so much that you tremble in my presence? Have you not learned by now that I will not harm you?"

More and more lately, it was becoming the opposite. But like she was going to say that to him.

He stuck his hands back in his pockets. "Or…Hmm, perhaps my presence makes you jumpy." He sighed, rotating a shoulder. "Either way, I will take my leave for now. See if you can manage _not _to make a giant mess."

She nodded weakly again, still reeling. He came right up to her, and, as an afterthought, leaned in face to face to remove the honey residue from her lips with one quick lick. His eyes were even bigger than she thought. He ghosted past her, the barest shuffle of sandals and a breeze.

The door clicked and she went down on her knees almost immediately after, bidding her shaking body to calm itself. There was also the issue of the rapidly gathering oil-feeling in her stomach. No, no, no. He's a Hollow. Disgusting, right? She touched her lips with the same finger he had cleaned just moments before. Was it also loathsome of her to have wanted him to continue, or to stay? She wrestled with her conscience like a madwoman, before she realized she truly was famished. She picked herself up, and stared at the bread that had caused so much trouble. It did look good. In fact, it looked better than before. She sniffed, and was reaching for a piece when her sort of Inner-Mother-Figure chimed in from the deepest, scariest depths of her mind.

_"So…you're gonna wash your hands before you eat, right, Orihime? You have Hollow slime on them."_

Laughing, the prisoner of Hueco Mundo did just that.

AN:D So…sugary…skin…sloughing off…Reviews keep me writing! Thanks! More to come. Hopefully. That depends on you. Also if you feel like leaving a word or want to bug me with a drabble idea I desperately crave someone to talk crack with I mean—Yeah I'm all up for talkin' shop, feel free to PM me your AIM/MSN whatever if that's your pref. Also it's 5:30, I should probably sleep.


	2. Tater Tot

Tater Tot

By: Lady Yami

AN: The mental image plagues me. XD

Theme: Insanity

X x X

Every once in a while, he would have his collar unzipped. She didn't know why or why not, it was just either one way or the other. He happened to come in to give her a report when she was mid-way through frying some tater tots in butter. He seemed to be in her kitchen a lot lately. It gave her prison a slightly homier feel, oddly enough. The smells of human food were a great comfort, even if it was just the dregs.

He leaned on the counter, directly in front of her dinner plate. Tonight was one of those unzipped-collar nights. Surely enough, there was the hole directly above the center of his collarbone, a clear window to the counter behind him. She could his pale chest rise with each breath, and the thin line that marked the center. He was even paler than her. The redhead studied that for moment, then turned her attention back to her dinner. She took the tots off the hot burner, listening as he told her of some boring thing or another.

"…which is why you need to be especially ready for when Aizen-sama needs you. Understand?"

She nodded, picking up a tot and blowing on it. The healer then popped it in her mouth, looking satisfied. He sighed. "Are you even listening to me?"

She stared at him, blinking.

"What do you have to say for yourself, woman?"

She put her hand on her chin in thought, daintily picking up another potato-based treat.

"Ummm," she looked at him, then the tot. Jade eyes regarded her carefully. Orihime Inoue then proceeded to throw a tater tot at a gentle arc towards the Hollow. It sailed perfectly through the hole in his neck where it landed on the plate behind him, spinning a couple times.

She hooted, raising her arms in the air and jumping in an excruciatingly bouncy way. "Fifty points!"

AN: Yep. :D I want to so bad…


	3. Things that Go Bump

Things that Go Bump

By: Lady Yami

AN: Ulquiorra watches you sleep.

Apparently you snore and scratch yourself. Interesting!

Theme: Creepy WAFF

X x X

Las Noches was bathed in permanent moonlight. The passing of night and day blurred in an odd way, as it was night only when the girl became tired. A recent trend, however, was waking up without reason. It was sudden and quiet. Her eyes would open. Silence, and the ever-present moonlight streaming through the window. Her watch ticking on her wrist, the faint hum from the fridge in the other room, and all the other sounds associated with quiet.

She first convinced herself it was just the presence of the things swimming in the pool of darkness that was the citadel, and she was subconsciously picking up on it. Maybe one of the Lessers passing close to her door, or whatnot. Tonight though, there was definitely someone in the room with her. There was absolutely no question. Should she say something? She shivered, pulling the white blanket closer around herself. Unfortunately the only thing she had to sleep in was the camisole set she wore under her school uniform. It did little for warmth.

The shadows in her room stretched and slid on the ceiling, silently toying with her imagination. Her mind wandered back to things under the bed, and doors from nowhere. Knowing all those things were possible made it worse. She shuddered. Who was there? While they were a master at controlling their aura, she was far too sensitive a healer not to feel it. The shadows seemed to flutter away from something to her right, and she pulled the covers up a bit. "Okay, Orihime. You're a little too old for this."

"Old for what? And do you normally talk to yourself? Oh, wait. Yes, you do."

"Ul-Ulquiorra-san," she sighed, rising to a sitting position. She turned, looking for him. No sign of him anywhere, but it was definitely his voice and chill prescence. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching you sleep."

The answer was straightforward. "A-ah, why?"

"Because I am bored," he said just as easily. She still couldn't see him. He could see her, though. Her hair was disheveled and the white tank top left extremely little to the imagination. That was stacked on the fact that he could see her underwear, which after completely hiding her butt was connected to the front end by barely a string. What did little girls wear these days?

"Oh. You scared me." She smiled, and giggled in a questioning way. "You know, Ulquiorra-san. My childhood caught up to me for a second. I was remembered all of those Things-That-Go-Bump-In-The-Night," she laughed, but stopped short when she felt a cold finger run down her spine. She gasped lightly, arching her back. White arms looped around her neck, lips pressing to just below her ear. His cool breath swept across neck and down her collar bone, dangerously close to her breasts and she shuddered somewhere between desire and dread.

"My dear," he sighed, running white fingers through copper hair. "I am one of those things."

AN: Ooh, creepy. :D


	4. Sash

Sash

AN: The fluff. Inspired by some fanart I managed to get on 4Chan. Also I think that _Things that Go Bump_ is probably my favorite so far as well. For some reason Ulquiorra being creepy and dominant is just hot to me. Hahaha. And the tater tot thing is entirely due to me eatting tater tots and watching Bleach. Was watching the episode where he makes his appearance over (fangirling over voice, lawls), and looked at the screen...then the tot...then the screen. XD Anime needs to move faster for kidnapping, beach-slapping action. And without further ado, another drabble.

Theme: WAFF, bitches!

X x X

"Besides Aizen-sama and Arrancar like myself, there are many lesser Hollows roaming Las Noches," Ulquiorra explained to a certain redhead. She was lying on the couch, curled up and looking at him over the (rather pronounced, he noticed) curve of her thigh. "You should use extreme caution around these. They have close to no intelligence, and prey on the stupidity of others."

She pondered being insulted, but was far too sleepy anyway. Ulquiorra seemed to pick up on her apathy, and pulled his hands out of his pockets to stride over to the couch. "Are you awake, woman?"

"Kind…of?"

He knelt by the couch, making eye contact with her. It was a bit much, in her groggy state. His eyes always kind of sent her into a sort of cheesy panic, locking her body up. A cold hand floated forwards to shake her shoulder slightly. "Well, make sure you're fully awake. Aizen-sama has ordered me to bring you to him. We will leave now."

She pulled her upper body up with one arm, using the other to pull flyaway hairs out of her face. The human blinked, stepping out of bed and stumbling slightly. By instinct, her hand came out and caught Ulquiorra's shoulder to balance. Yeek. The cold made her recoil, and she ran frantic fingers through her hair in a vague attempt to hide her blunder.

"S-sorry," she mumbled, turning to him as he rose and turned in one fluid motion. She followed him out the doorway, still blinking sleep out of her eyes. It was kind of hard to follow him, in the semi-darkness of the halls.

His previous words caught up to her, and she tentatively reached out with her psychic senses. What she found sent her running for the powerful Hollow at full speed, and she connected with his back with a soft squish, thanks to her plus-sized chest. He looked over his shoulder at her, exasperation barely concealed. "So you throw your reiatsu around _after_ I tell you the fortress is full of lesser Hollows. Human logic for you, I suppose."

She nodded into his back, noting the odd-yet-not-unpleasant smell that emanated from his clothes. Perhaps only slightly musky, barely-there, like Nog Champa, it had an underlying sweetness to her that made her inhale.

"Are you sniffing my back?"

"Ummmm…" the accused redhead backed up. "S-sorry, got a bit nervy there."

He shrugged, starting to walk again. She followed closely, not wanting to loose him. Since looking for whatever lurked in Las Noches, Las Noches seemed to be looking for _her. _The terrible thing about being so involved with the whole Shinigami thing was that you knew for a fact that the things that most people would brush off as silly feelings of being watched or whatnot were actually you being watched. Shadows that looked suspiciously shaped were not just shapes.

She watched the Vasto Lord's slim frame weave in and out of her view, until she lost her nerve completely and grabbed the fluttering tailed sash that hung from his waist. He paused again, raising an eyebrow. "It's so I can…make sure I don't loose Ulquiorra-san."

He studied her closely, noting the pink along her cheeks. Why did humans do that? It was infuriatingly endearing, especially when a female did it. "Whatever. Just keep up, then."

Gladdened by his apparently malice-less response, she trotted along behind him, tail in both hands. Keeping pace with him was somewhat difficult, as his legs were much longer. She prayed to anyone she thought would listen, asking not to let her fall. Things actually went well for once, and when they were nearing the massive double doors that opened to the great hall, she let go.

Ulquiorra turned to her, then reached around and pulled the sash up, letting it slide through his fingers until he held the tip in his hand. "By the way, Inoue Orihime."

"Hm?" She asked, hands folded in front of her. He stepped forwards and braced the tail of the small of her back, switching the hand holding the end to his left hand while the other rested on her head. She reeled from the sudden contact, all but pushed onto his chest.

"You can walk beside me. This isn't a third world country where women have to walk behind men." He pushed his face up to hers. "Got it?"

She nodded. "Y-yes, Ulquiorra-san." He released the sash, turning to push the doors open. "Mind your manners with Aizen-sama."

Nod, nod. Just keep nodding. The heat in her face did not dissipate. "Also, please avoid turning pink every three seconds…flattering though it is."

She turned, giving him a questioning look. He looked away quickly, moving on towards the hall. She sighed, grabbing a fistful of hair to smooth in nervous habit. Things kept getting more and more interesting…

AN: TWO IN A DAY I AM GRAND CHAMPION OF NO LIFE. (runs off cackling)


	5. Blame Noitora

Blame Noitora

AN: I will give ONE guess what this is about. Also please excuse the fact that I cannot write worth FLYING SHIT. I'm not sure how much flying shit would be worth, actually.

Theme: Lmao. I'm not even trying anymore. Boobs? Boobs. Boobs is the theme.

Disclaimer: I OWN HUECO MUNDO IRL. Oh wait, I don't own Canada…

Or Bleach.

X x X

In retrospect, it was Noitora's fault. His comments and sneered remarks at "Pet-sama's" rather alluring aesthetic status were the initial fuel for this whole conundrum.

There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that the prisoner was physically attractive. In his (current) life as an Espada, such desires were normally at the absolute bottom of his Ladder of Importance, along with perhaps Flower Viewing, American Idol, and Grimmjow's Hair.

Well, maybe Grimmjow's Hair was a bit higher, but recently it had become pushed under one thing.

That being Prisoner Woman's Boobs.

They were huge. Seriously. He had raised his eyebrow over them in thought so many times, he wondered about developing some sort of odd muscle on his forehead because of it. So of course when he was actually around Prisoner Woman, he tried to quash all related thoughts. But it was hard. She was human, and knew fully of his capability to end her existence in moments, but she was not afraid of getting close to him.

In fact, she was worse about it lately. Friendlier now, desperate for someone to talk to. It was pitiful. The way her face lit up when basically anyone but Noitora came in to her room, even under the dark circles under her eyes was well…sad. Just, sad. He had not had thoughts like that in a while. This human in particular was especially empathetic and social. It must have been hard.

So when he came in to see her eat that night, he was already bracing himself. Sure enough, she patted the couch next to her shyly, noodles hanging from chopsticks in her other hand. He nearly rolled his eyes, but strolled forwards anyway, hands on his pockets even as she settled down on the couch. She ate her noodles, squinting.

"Are they not to your taste?"

"They're plain. Could really use some guacamole and sour cream."

He looked at her in silence, attempting to rally any human memories from his brain. Nothing, but some mysterious shred of human substance he had left in some distant, shadowy corner of his heart was vomiting with great vigor. It then stopped to look at her chest.

They strained against the fabric of her Arrancar uniform, causing folds and crinkles in particularly satisfying places. Hair draped itself along their form, further pronouncing their presence. Tch. No wonder Noitora was after her. Even for just a moment, he wondered if they were soft.

Of course they were.

"…Ulquiorra-san?"

Were they bigger than that? Would they seem smaller when she took her shirt off?

"…-quiorra-san?'

Ridiculous to be thinking of, anyway. He was fairly sure he could do certain…processes. Not like it would ever happen, though.

"Ulquiorra-san, is there something wrong?"

He shook his head, looking into her fawn-colored eyes. "No."

Crap. She was pink. Cover, um…cover…Think, Ulquiorra. Your mind works hundreds of times faster than a human's. Her noodles, on her chopsticks, hanging right by her chest. AHA.

"Your noodles."

She glanced at them, looking back at him and blinking. Blame Noitora, blame Noitora, blame Noitora…

"I don't see any salt or anything on them."

"Like I said…they are plain."

Fewf. Covered.

"But why were you looking at my chest?"

Or not.

She tilted her head at him. "It's okay, I guess. Better you than Noitora." She shivered.

Disaster.

"That reminds me. Could you get me another pillow? If I put one under my stomach while I sleep, it sort of levels me out to the point where I can sleep on my stomach." She said this cheerily, slurping noodles and smiling at him hopefully.

He nodded numbly, cursing Noitora for planting this lecherous seed in his innocent brain. When he left for the evening, Noitora was leaning outside, grinning eerily as usual. "Have fun?"

Ulquiorra kept walking, gaze straight ahead. But, as he turned the corner into the next corridor, a soft "I hate you." echoed through Las Noches.

AN: I think that was ten minutes! I need a latte, but no car. (curses existence) Reviews for great justice, and much thankies to the fabulously gregarious feedback I have received. I was expecting perhaps a notice from Internet Migration, demanding my immediate deportation.


	6. Eat'cha

Eat'cha

By: Lady Yami

AN: Uh. Yeah. Grimmjow x Orihime x Ulquiorra triangle-suggestive. Kinda long. Sorry about lack of updates. Been movin. ;(

Theme: Innuendo and mental images that do things to my hormones.

Disclaimer: Don't fuckin own Bleach. X.x

X X X

The Faerie-Wielding-Bread-Devouring girl was stirred from her sleep by a loud slam and her lights turning on. She blinked, her bleary mind only starting to register Grimmjow's voice and presence. Unfortunately, she was dragged out of bed by her leg and got severe rug burn, thus fully bringing her to reality. Ulquiorra was laying on her floor, breathing heavily. Grimmjow must have carried him in, therefore his need to kick the door down.

Not that he wouldn't anyway. But still, he had reason this time.

"Heal him, woman," he barked, dragging her by the elbow and throwing her next to the wounded Arrancar. She nodded, wordlessly calling her faeries to do their work, and let her hand rest on Ulquiorra's arm. Like she suspected, the cold seeped from his skin and into her palm. It pulled at her spirit energy, a brief reminder of what he was. None the less, being able to touch him was… Fathomless green eyes opened to stare at her, soundless thanks. Well, that's what she felt anyway. She flushed. She knew they could feel emotion, now. After the thrashing she had received…Jealousy was one emotion. And anger. And maybe even gratitude.

Grimmjow crouched next to her, and she took in a careful breath, trying not to show her alarm as she worked. Ulquiorra's eyes closed again, but his breathing was regular now—back to barely there. His sleeves were torn off, and his torso was laced with faint bruises and cuts. The red of the blood against his white skin was beautiful, in a morbid way. She focused on the rawest looking areas first.

"H-he'll be fine," she said slowly, not looking up at Grimmjow.

"I know," he said from somewhere to her right, cold breath inches from her ear. Her shoulder twitched in response.

She finished, watching the last golden sparks of chakra fade from above Ulquiorra's prone form. He remained silent, his breathing now deep.

The healer let her butt drop to the floor after the uncomfortable crouch, and put her hands behind her to brace herself. She normally avoided doing this, as it pronounced her already way-too-there chest. There was also the fact that she was in her cami and matching white undies with the matching tiny sky-blue bow, but hey.

Grimmjow shifted, staring at his companion with flat blue eyes, brow furrowed. "Can you…sleep?" Orihime asked, summoning her courage.

"Yeah. We take naps, like you. We don't _need_ to, unless we're really hurt or we've used a lot of energy, though." Grimmjow answered, slowly turning to study the redhead. She nodded. "That's what he's doing right now. Your stupid firebush kid thrashed him pretty bad."

Kurosaki-kun…She shook her head. Grimmjow grinned suddenly, nearly splitting his face in half. "But he's pretty hurt, too." He added, watching with glee as the human girl's blood turned to sludge.

She gulped, choosing to ignore him, and put her hand on Ulquiorra's slender white one, watching his bare chest rise and fall. So thin…

"If you're checking for a pulse, you'll find one," the man next to her drawled. He stretched out his legs in front of him, leaning against a wall. One knee went up, and he rested his arm on it, picture of casualness. He watched her stare at his superior, and let his eyes drift to her large thighs. Nice. "Nice pajamas, by the way." She didn't answer, still focusing her energy on Ulquiorra. _Please be well, both of you…_

She was snapped out of her reverie when a large hand wrapped around her upper arm, pulling her onto the Arrancar. Yelping, she pulled against him hopelessly, trapped in-between his long legs. Lightning fast, his hands moved to push the small of her back, throwing her onto him, while the other grabbed the back of her head, easily dwarfing it. Pieces of coppery hair tangled in long fingers. She gulped, looking into his eyes, and against noticing the seeping cold from his skin. His chest was bare, so it was far more noticeable. His smell was different from Ulquiorra's, too. Spicier and more solid, far more heady. His tan face broke into another fanged grin. "Do you have a crush on Ulquiorra, Orihime-chan? Wanna fuck him?"

She attempted to shake her head, but it was rather hard with his hand around her head. He leaned in, pushing his nose to the crook of her neck. "Ahh, you could be his type. You smell so good. But in the whole "we-eat-human-souls-because-we're-Hollows, remember?" way." She shuddered. He inhaled deeply. "But damn. I'd spend all night chasing you around. Fuck hunting random ghosts." He laughed throatily, and she felt it vibrate in his chest. The pressure on her head ceased, and she tried to push against his chest with both hands. He easily surrounded her arms in one of his hands, cackling at her struggles. "Chomp, chomp, Orihime-chan," he grinned. "But I wouldn't eat ya," he fake pouted. "Cuz ya gave me my arm back."

"Aizen told me to." She growled.

"You mad at me? Adorable. Do that little eyebrow thing again. Makes me wanna eat'cha again, but in a different way." He smiled. She flushed, pulling back as he pushed his face up against hers. "Wanna find out which way?"

"Either of the things you have recently suggested doing would result in Aizen-sama killing you. Please reconsider, and remember that Inoue Orihime is vital to our operation."

Eek.

Ulquiorra was awake, sitting calmly on the floor, studying his tattered garments in disdain. She had long since called him a neat-freak. He happened to wake up to a rather interesting scene: Grimmjow with his stupidly long legs, somewhat molesting Prisoner Woman. She continued to struggle, while Grimmjow ignored her to talk to his companion. "Good morning."

Sighing, the Espada moved in, grabbing Orihime by the waist and pulling her away from Grimmjow. She gasped at the cold hands around her waist, and attempted to suppress her hormones with a fiery fist of Faerie Doom.

They glared at each other momentarily, before Grimmjow sighed and stood, chuckling as he made his exit. "Ahh, I can still smell her on my clothes. I'll be like you, Ulquiorra, and hold my forearm up to my face when I think nobody's looking. Nobody thinks it's you examining your fingernails by the way, it's pretty obvious what you're doing."

"Uhh, what?" The girl asked, looking back and forth between the Espadas. Grimmjow's floated from the hall.

"He wants to eat'cha, too!"

AN: Really long and kind of pointless. I just wrote a scene my fangirl heart wanted to see. XD; Sorry. LOL.


	7. Grape Soda

Grape Soda

AN: Lol.

Theme: Panties. I will try writing a non-innuendo piece really.

X X X

Shock flooded Orihime Inoue's system, worming its' way down her body like cold snakes. Thoughts fluttered through her panic-strickened mind like tattered paper, chilling and concise.

There was grape soda on her Arrancar uniform.

Grape. Fucking. Soda.

On her White. Fucking. Dress. Down the front, on the flared white skirt.

She took a deep breath, and then another, pulling oxygen deeply into her lungs. Trying _not _to hyperventilate was starting to prove highly difficult. And of course, there was the audible click of the door.

"I'm coming in."

She dived into the kitchen, attempting to hide the stain against the stove, randomly frying some things.

He held a bundle under his arm now, tube-shaped and soft looking. Clothes?

"I got some more things from the outside world for you, as you requested."

"O-oh?" She tittered, still facing the stove. She turned to look at the bag.

…Victoria's Secret.

Oh. My. God.

She stared at the bag, completely pink. "You said you needed these things. You had nothing to sleep in. You said this was a nice place."

"W-wha? Did you go in there, Ulquiorra-san?"

He shrugged. "Humans can't even see me. I just took things."

Uh. "You stol—".

"By the way…your food is burning."

She shrieked, wondering how she missed the smell and sound of burning food. Unfortunately in doing so she leapt back, revealing the mess on her skirt.

Er. His eyes dotted downward, then back up to meet hers. "Foolish."

She bowed her head. "S-sorry. I, I was walking and I caught my knee on the coffee table and…yea."

He sighed, the mental image surfacing in his brain. "Take it off."

"What?" The world seemingly fell apart around her ears.

"Take the dress off, it needs to be cleaned," he said, irritation creeping into his voice. Like she was stupid for not stripping on command. Oh, please.

"U-uh, well. What will I change into?"

He pointed to the clothing bag on the ground. "Something in there."

She glanced nervously between the bag and the Arrancar, and then carefully closed the space between them to kneel and open the bag. She could feel herself turning red as she pulled out panties and socks, some toothpaste, and a few other things.

"Y-you run errands?" She asked awkwardly.

"I don't have much to do anyway, Inoue," he said easily from above her. Reaching all the way into the bag she felt her fingers brush silk, and pulled out a powder-blue slip.

"Did you pick these out, Ulquiorra-san?" She coughed, the world continuously disintegrating.

"I asked females. They took a guess at your size and advised me. Aizen-sama as well."

So all of Hueco Mundo knew her size. Great. "Never mind that drivel. Change. Staying in soiled clothes is disgusting," he sighed. She looked up, noting the neatly-pressed and pristine white uniform. Yes, maybe he was a neat-freak. His hair was shiny and clean, too. Loose but never tangled. "I hate looking at it."

"Um…but…there's not an extra uniform?"

His eyes flickered. "Not at the moment, no. Now change."

She clutched the slip, eyes downwards. "C-can I change alone?"

"No. Many times I tell you to do things, and you do not. I do not trust humans with being efficient. Change."

Shaking slightly, she walked into the main part of the room, turning her back to the Espada. The uniform hit the floor in a _pluff _of white fabric, cold air hitting her skin. Fixing her panties quickly, she started to pull the slip over her head. Unfortunately, it was taken from her.

"Do not put clean things on over dirty things. First I have to feed you. Then I have to clothe you?"

The camisole was practically ripped off her body, and she yelped at the rush of cold fingers racing along her back. The silk floated over her skin, hiding all the important bits, thank God.

"Turn."

She obeyed, smoothing the fabric. He stared at her quietly for a moment, then "It looks good enough, I suppose."

She blinked as he reached forwards to straighten out the lace that lined her breasts, carefully patting it flat. She took a step back, meeting the wall. "The contrast of your peach skin to it is relaxing. I decided this earlier."

"Y-you thought about colors, Ulquiorra-san?"

"I like things to match." He said flatly, then darted a hand out to put on her side, just where her thigh began to curve. "Also, the way the fabric sort of slides over your hips is satisfying," the fourth Espada almost-smiled, sliding his hand further up towards her breast to put his hand over it. The human held her breath, transfixed. "Yes, a fitting garment."

Orihime's breath rushed out in one gasp as he pulled back from her, turning to stride out the door. He turned one last time to stare at the girl, still backed against the wall, hair falling over her shoulders. "By the way, if you would take the time to explore the quarters Aizen prepared for you, you would note you have roughly ten extra uniforms in your closet."

The door closed with a click, and Orihime Inoue used the F-bomb, for the first time in her life.

AN: Slightly OOC and written in a hotel room.  But hay! The mental image of Ulquiorra shopping is hilarious, with the elevator music…XD


	8. Claim

Claim

AN: Hint of Grimm/Orihime. Slight rape implifications.

Theme: Some angst. Some humor. Some innuendo. It's a fucking grab bag!

X X X

His lips, like Ulquiorra's, were cold. But kissing him, being kissed by him, was an entirely different thing. Far rougher, as one may have guessed, without any of the tact or thoughts of holding back floating into his movements. It was simple. She looked up at him, he stared, then dipped his head. What resulted from this rather quick, stupid mistake was not so simple really.

It had ended with a half-assed apology and Orihime desperately brushing her teeth, but a certain jade-eyed man thought this was not sufficient. His hand, fisted in her hair, was white as usual, and he was meticulously groomed and faintly aromatic, as usual. All the things she associated with him. However, at the moment, he had shifted from his usual demeanor and mannerisms. She shrieked as he pulled her head sideways, to allow better access to the lovely little hollow between her shoulder and neck. A favorite spot of hers. The healer struggled against him, half-whispering desperate pleas of forgiveness, empty promises of things she would never be able to give to him anyway. What could you possibly give a person who believed they had everything? Aizen-sama was his world. But somehow, she was in it now, too.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, Orihime Inoue. But let me remind you that you are property of Aizen-sama, and then _me. _Nobody else." Ulquiorra said calmly, like he wasn't pinning her to the floor of her room, sliding down the straps of her slip. "I will put some sense of ownership back into you, then." He dipped to press his face in between the valley of her breasts, closing his eyes to enjoy the scent. Her virgin body writhed, as she bit her lip to stop the whimpering. Looks like she wasn't getting out of this one.

"I take care of you, over and over again, Orihime." He continued ever-so-calmly, like they had just met in the hall at school. "I think I may be fond of you. Be grateful. I do favors for few." He pulled the slip completely down as she grew more frantic, pale arms reaching beyond his neck to claw at anything, anywhere. They slide down white fabric, never making any contact with skin. Like it would do anything. Her guardians' faces flitted across her mind and she breathed deeply, trying to focus enough to call them. He stared at her, judging her. A seasoned warrior, she thought. He can probably read my movements. The faintest smile danced across his lips as he grabbed one of her hands, placing it in his own and using it to unfasten the zipper on the front of his shirt, letting it fall down his shoulders. The hole in the center of his throat seemingly loomed, reminding her of her duty as a friend of the Shinigami. "This will confirm things in your little mind, I think." He tilted his head to study her chest, strands of midnight black hair sliding across bare flesh.

"O-okay," she whispered, letting him kiss her.

"Acceptable answer. Anything else to say before we begin?" The Espada sighed, as if he expected her to say something stupid. "It will hurt, then feel good. I am in control. I know what I'm doing."

"Uhh…I guess one thing," she sniffed, attempting to calm her trembling body.

His eyes bored into hers, and she desperately tried to ignore the fact he could see her breasts, and was absentmindedly tracing a finger closer and closer to one of them.

"I REJECT!"

It was never quite clear what happened after that. The Ulquiorra-shaped hole was plastered over, the wall good as new. Grimmjow may or not have passed by and noted the rather-miffed-nearly-nude Orihime standing in her room, quaking with rage, five lights darting around her like ungodly fireflies. Or Ulquiorra, also half-dressed, sitting in the hall, unscathed but embarrassed beyond all mortal belief.

Well they weren't mortals, so the mortification was long and brutal. Even Tousen was in on it.

AN: I like fucking with your mind. Reviews keep me writing, etc. Thanks for all the support, I love you guys. T.Tb


	9. Ball

Boink

X X X

Bonk!

The ball bounced cleanly off Orihime's head, bouncing gently to the floor a few feet to her left. Grimmjow Jaggerjack laughed. Insanely, as was his habit. It was a fairly small red ball, a little beat up, but still amusing. She needed anything and everything.

"I figured you would like that, chick," he grinned, reclining on her couch, casually as ever. "I found it in the Human World today."

"Found?" She bounced it against the wall, and caught it again to throw it back. "More like stole, ne?"

He shrugged. "Yea. But nobody was usin' it."

"Oh?"

"Anymore."

"Er."

AN: Lol. XD Grimmy leik deth yez??


	10. Frappuchino

Frappuchino

AN: Complete fucking spam. Well 3/4ths. For entertainment early. Mostly Orihime yelling stupid gags while completely spazzed up, thus puzzling Ulquiorra. Then WAFF. Behind on gag train? Go to YouTube and search for "Shoes", the full version. Laugh.

AN: Insanity. Then schmooze.

X X X

"Let's get some shoes."

"What?"

"Shoes." The redhead said in a strange voice one day, giggling her head off. "Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Let's get some shoes."

Ulquiorra deadpanned. "Aizen-sama has provided—".

"These shoes are three hundred dollars, Ulquiorra-san. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS."

Confusion ran rampant through his oh-so-advanced brain as he watched the giggling human run around I'm in circles. He looked for said expensive shoes. Nothing. Grimmjow stood in the hall with Gin for some reason, both snorting.

"I'm a shaaaaaaark, Ulquiorra-san. I'm a shaaaaaaaark." She pranced around him happily. "Do you like sharks, Ulquiorra-san?"

"They're—".

"You're pale, Ulquiorra-san. Very pale. I don't think it's Lupus though. You should drink more milk."

He was silent for a moment. "I like milk."

"Ahh, I see, desu."

"Desu?"

"Ulquiorra-san how old are you? What your thoughts on pizza?"

"I don't like it. I like mild-tasting things."

She giggled insanely again. "I knew you were a Lolita. Lolis hate pizza, after all." Grimmjow and Gin were blue at this point from lack of oxygen. "You know, this place is boring."

"Yes, it is, Orihime-chan," Gin added between fits of barely repressed laughter.

"I bet the pool is closed. If there is one. Can Hollows swim? If so, does water get in the hole?"

"Yes. It feels weird," Grimmjow added from somewhere off in the background. "Like someone dumping cold water into your ear, except it just…goes through."

"Grimm-chan!" She laughed. "Did you bring me more Starbucks?"

"No, no. I'm sorry Orihime-chan. Next week."

"Ahhh. Oh, okay. Thanks for bringing me my laptop. Though there's no internet in Hueco Mundo. Lame!"

He nodded. Orihime turned back to Ulquiorra, who was so confused he was starting to become angry. Astounding. About three minutes later, she was kneeling on the ground next to him, suffering a terrible caffeine crash. "Oii, my tummy hurts."

"Is she well?" Ulquiorra turned to ask the other two. They burst out laughing hysterically and strolled off, still mumbling about sharks. He glanced over to the table. An empty four-pack of Vanilla Frappuchinos.

Caffeine…caffeine? He knelt beside her, placing a cool hand on her forehead. "I am no judge of this human. You always feel warm to me."

"That's cause you're always cold, Ulquiorra-san," she said sleepily, then leaned in close to him.

"You have circles under your eyes."

"You have lines. WHICH IS WORSE?"

He sighed. She blinked at him, then summoned the God of Caffeine. "I'm concerned about your well-being."

"I'm concerned about you, too. You're always unhappy!" It was then she leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips, her heart thumping wildly in her ears, trembling. The caffeine rush faded to its last, and she plopped, head in his lap as he stared ahead at the wall, listening as her breathing became deep and even. His hand brushed her hair, spilling over his knees, as he stood and carried her feather-like weight to the couch to lay down the contently snoring girl. Well as for the feather-like thing, it was maybe a few feathers. He wasn't human but...Hmm…Can't have huge breasts AND be perfectly thin.

He watched her sleep for a moment, touched his lips, and decided he would only twist off _two _of Grimmjow's limbs for giving her the accursed Frappuchinos.

Due to this event, this became a weekly ritual.

AN: I apologize again. xD


	11. Moonlight

Moonlight

AN: WHAT'S UP BUTTERCUP. I'm alive. Just…work stuffs. Yeah. Have some rushed emo.

Theme: Emo.

X x x

The moonlight here ate everything. All-consuming in some maddened purification ritual, it swept through the bars above her cell and gently destroyed. She felt after some prolonged exposure to it, it was rotting her mind and body. It somehow dulled things – memories, feelings. She craved the kiss of sunlight, brightening her.

But it was fake though, wasn't it? Like everything else in this fortress of sand. Stormy eyes were focused on the moon tonight, pink lips slightly parted in song.

"Why do humans do that?" He asked from somewhere behind her, leaning against a wall. His jade gaze took in the gentle contraction of her back, lungs filling with breath as she continued her wobbly aria. She wasn't very good at it. Tones imperfect, notes missed, however wandering the tune was.

She stopped singing, coppery hair sliding down her shoulders. Pink dusted her cheeks invitingly, a bit short of breath from singing. The girl sung skyward again, tune dying in the quiet air. After a moment, she turned to smile weakly at him, wistful look dominating her face as usual.

"Because I think sound is the only thing you can't swallow."

He could only smile at the moonlight reflected in her eyes.

AN: I really want to tear off the top half of his nightgown.


End file.
